satanic genocidal supercomputers

It probably comes as no shock that I collect Christian Kitsch Fiction. During the years I wrote my zine, I secured review copies of hundreds of books and chewed through them at an earnest, prodigious rate. While quite a few genres had their cliches (Historical Romances Featuring Heroines Of Faith! New Age Murder Mysteries! Teen Dramas About Almost Kissing!) there’s no competition for King Of The Wacky. Rapture fiction — apocalyptic novels that revolve around Biblical prophecy and literal interpretation of the book of Revelation — will always reign supreme.

Most people have only heard of the wildly popular Left Behind and its many, many sequels. But there’s more — so much more — waiting in the bargain bins and Half.com accounts of the world. The mid 90s were especially good to the genre, and dozens of variations on the theme were printed by the Christian publishing houses that dominated at the time. I, naturally, have piles of them.

Seal Of Gaia is pretty representative of the worst of the genre. The plot — I use the word generously — involves a freaky glowing New Age Messiah, a selfish television producer named Steve, a giant missile called the TR6, and more We Told You So predictions than you can shake a stick at.

And, adjectives. Oh, the adjectives. Continue reading...