A little over a year ago I noted that Growing Up Goddy had been silent. Sadly, not too much changed in that time. With the exception of a few posts (and a magnum opus on the psychology of altar calls that grew too unwieldy to post) things didn't change much. The problem isn't a lack of material; it's a lack of clarity on the direction.
As I mentioned before, I started this blog as a exercise in bridge building. Caught between the world of enthusiastic believers and skeptical critics, I wanted to try to create a place where both perspectives were shared honestly. Believers, I thought, could hear legitimate questions and grow to understand the perspectives of those outside the bubble. Those outside the fold could learn to understand the idiosyncratic ways of those who were raised inside the Church subculture. Over time, though, my position drifted from conflicted belief to Pascal's Wager Gone Horribly Wrong. I no longer consider myself a Christian, and while I don't rule out the possibility of returning to the faith in the future, it becomes less imaginable each day.
But.
Aren't there enough blogs out there full of ex-Christians venting about their experiences? Does the world need another snarky former evangelical taking potshots? Probably not. And personally, I've felt myself experience more and more anger as I've grown farther from the Church. In a way, I feel like I'm getting over the tangled aftermath of Stockholm Syndrome, working through my feelings about a lifetime of hypocrisy and outright deception that I experienced and willingly participated in. On the other hand, I'm often simply fighty with few useful insights. I don't want to be that guy.
I'll keep posting. I'll keep snarking. If you're still out there reading this, feel free to weigh in. I don't know where this blog is going, but I like where I am.
Comments
It's okay to be fighty for a Permalink
Submitted by Heather Ann on Wed, 01/19/2011 - 23:45
It's okay to be fighty for a while. It's part of the denial-anger-acceptance process. Yes, those familiar stages of grief.
I found 'Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion' by Marlene Winell to be really helpful with the process. It helped me realise why I was so hurt, and why I also missed my faith and kind of ached about losing it sometimes.
It's been 8 years since I lost my faith and I'm finally not fighty. Hang in there. :)
Thanks for the encouragement, Permalink
Submitted by Eaton on Sat, 01/22/2011 - 20:26
Thanks for the encouragement, Heather. I think one of the reasons that I'm frustrated is that I can see that fighty/angry isn't a very useful response to things, even if it's a natural part of the process. I think that the best solution is to be more proactive in what I consider writing here, relying on reflections about faith and the process of developing a moral and ethical position without it -- rather than just responding to current events, which are far more likely to be triggered by The Grarrr.
(And, hello! I just made the connection on Twitter, too -- I wish I'd known you were at DCTO. Will you be at DrupalCon Chicago?)
I think it is a useful Permalink
Submitted by Heather Ann on Fri, 02/04/2011 - 16:43
I think it is a useful response to things. Just because it's an emotional response doesn't mean it isn't useful. It's a part of the process I needed to value and make room for, just like the "omg, what an ass" phase after a break-up. It just so happens that my relationship with Jesus was much longer and much more intense than any other relationship I've been in, so the grar was proportionally bigger. I was so mad for so long because I valued my faith. It wasn't something I could shrug off easily.
I would love to go to DrupalCon Chicago, and was going to be there, but have just switched jobs and have to run it by the new bosses. Here's hoping! If so, we are getting a beer. :)
Hi jeff, maybe with loosing Permalink
Submitted by god ;) on Sat, 01/29/2011 - 01:07
Hi jeff, maybe with loosing "your faith " and going away from religion you are coming closer to me (I'll pretend, I am whom I say to be, je). Religions aren't me. They are just pointers to me. What counts is I, not religions. I am you also (well, deep within you, but you don't know) so you can't go anywhere (you think you can, but you can't, cause you are me). Given this, life itself is the "default" (and very good) "religion" and it will help you find me within you within everything, one way or the other, through one religion or the other.
I'm not so crazy :) this is religion (from latin "re ligare" meaning "connect again").
ejej ... cheers Jeff, I don't want to mess you up, just tell you that God still Loves you, that God isn't christianity and that there are many paths to Him.
Thanks for the reply -- the Permalink
Submitted by Eaton on Sun, 01/30/2011 - 06:57
Thanks for the reply -- the attention is definitely appreciated, and given the lofty source I regret not putting more time into the return post! After some consideration, I'm going to be turning thoughts on this reply into a somewhat longer post: it ties into some other thoughts that I've been kicking around for some time.
That said, I don't think that your root server is working -- heaven.god doesn't resolve properly via Comcast's DNS servers. ;-)
So, I just discovered your Permalink
Submitted by Webb on Mon, 01/31/2011 - 06:31
So, I just discovered your blog ala Twitter. Here's my question: are you mad at God or mad at the overzealous followers? I'm currently trying to work this part out. For me it's a little of both.
Jeff, Permalink
Submitted by stieglitz on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 05:15
Jeff,
You don't know me but I just wanted to say I appreciate your transparency. I also believe that venting can be healthy even when the anger is directed at God. I happen to be one who's faith IS alive but I can not boast in that. I am definitely not everything I desire to be. I see Jesus loving the unlovable and I see people who claim to know him do the opposite. I have seen people who do not claim any faith do good things to better the human race. I have seen the atrocities caused by those who consider themselves good and good done by those considered evil. It is all very disturbing.
There is so much I feel like saying as your post stimulated the synapses somewhere between the left and right side of my brain however my thumbs are getting overexerted and I am falling asleep. Thanks for the outlet and the thoughts to lead me to slumber.
Jon
It always bothers me to hear Permalink
Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 10/24/2011 - 23:38
It always bothers me to hear about ex-Christians. To deny God's existence is pretty illogical. The fool says in his heart there is no God. Everyone has parents and the first people could not have been babies without a parent. If we are body, soul and spirit. It's not hard to imagine God being a personal three-part being. Clearly we are created beings with a beginning and an end and sin is always as much a part of life as death. Sin is the fundamental issue of every problem with humanity and in every human heart. The concept of God sending his son to be brutally murdered to bridge the gap between mankind and humanity is fundamentally different than any other faith. The issue is whether we think Jesus is really the way, the truth and the life. Either he saves or he doesn't. He saves because he resurrected from the dead and the resurrection of Christ is a very well known fact. The message of Christ was repent or perish. "Whoever puts his faith in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see that life, for God's wrath remains on him."
Indeed. If you are correct, I Permalink
Submitted by Eaton on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 14:05
Indeed. If you are correct, I will spend eternity being tormented and punished with horrors beyond mortal comprehension. There's no sarcasm or irony when I say that; it's something that I had to legitimately consider when I assessed my own beliefs.
Pascal's wager, at the end of the day, isn't very compelling. I chose truth, instead. While my understanding of it may be flawed, I can't pretend that I believe something I do not.
Add new comment