Why am I here?
It’s a bit of an understatement to say that the blog has been silent. I don’t like that — there are certainly things I’d like to talk and write about — but I’ve been a little uncertain since explaining that I no longer consider myself a Christian. I began this blog as an “insider” from Christian culture, relatively speaking at least. Although it’s been a long time since I fit the mold of a conservative protestant youth, I considered myself part of the larger body of Christians united by relatively orthodox belief. I hoped that I could reach in both directions with this blog, touring through the often-baffling world of Christian Culture for the outsiders while giving those still inside the culture a glimpse of what things were like outside. I didn’t want to bash Christianity: rather, I wanted to dissect the parts of the culture that had little or nothing to do with the “heart” of the faith.
Things don’t always work out the way we plan.
The heart of someone speaking painful but necessary truths to their compatriots is different than that of someone “from the outside” telling a group how they’re wrong. To some extent, I feel that I’ve put myself in that latter category now. Are my thoughts and reflections on Christian culture and faith now something different? It feels that way, sometimes. Freed of the need to clamp down heretical thoughts in defense of internal orthodoxy, it’s certainly easier to be angry at the ugliness of certain deeply-rooted ideologies in Christian culture. Are my musings and/or rants on the subject needed, though? I’m not sure. Are they constructive? Again, I’m not sure.
I also want to respect the fact that Growing Up Goddy has always been intended as a group blog. I haven’t been building it as much as I would like, but I don’t want to fundamentally change the character and spirit of it when others are involved. Pearson, Benson, Clark… what are your feelings?
For any who are still reading, what are your thoughts? Does the world need another expat muttering about the old country? I wish I knew.
I personally find a top-down approach to writing stifling. Some people love to write within constraints. Poetry is writing within boundaries. But I find that if I think to hard about the direction to take a blog or what I think an audience wants to hear, the words stop flowing. Its too much effort. Too much overhead. I am deeply intrigued by your deconversion and would enjoy every word you would write on the topic.
To me, the character and the spirit of any community, including this blog, is just the sum of the individuals. If significant individual change doesn’t impact the overall character of the community, I would question the honesty, transparency, and sincerity of that character.
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Submitted by Clark on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 04:01.“I was brought up in the Church of England, and whereas I’m an atheist, I’m certainly a Church of England atheist, and for the matter of that a 1662 Book of Common Prayer atheist. The Church of England is so deeply embedded in my personality and my way of thinking that to remove it would take a surgical operation so radical that I would probably not survive it.” (Interview with Philip Pullman)
As a fellow expat, I’ve enjoyed your musings here. I am not Christian anymore, but I am not a non-Christian in the same way that my friends with different upbringings are non-Christians. I am non-Christian the way that my friends with evangelical upbringings are, because we share a history. I may not believe anymore, but the faith is still precious to me, if that makes any sense.
When I deconverted, I was sharing a blog with a friend from bible college. I chose to split and start my own blog because I didn’t feel comfortable writing about it on our shared blog, especially since she was a youth pastor at the time. She didn’t seem to feel that way, and your co-bloggers might not either. But I understand the concern.
Even if you don’t believe, these stories are still your stories, and you still have all the songs memorized, and you understand the theological quibbling. You’ve moved out of the house, but they’re still family.
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Submitted by Heather Ann (not verified) on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 20:34.Thanks. Your comments definitely sound familiar! One of the things that I’ve found startling and curious was the number of friends of mine who responded by privately telling me that, yes, they felt the same way. It wasn’t something I was expecting. I’m reminded in some ways of a quote from the latest Rolling Stone expose on Hagee’s congregation. It’s a traditional “Wow, these pentecostals are weird!” article for the most part, but the writer (who went undercover at a Hagee conference to see what things are like) hit on some interesting insights about 2/3 through…
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Submitted by Eaton on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 16:35.I’ve been contemplating posting some essays. After my past year or so, I think I should indulge myself. While I have Visual Studio and Codewarrior calling my name, I also have this lovely Model-M keyboard freshly hooked up to my desktop workstation demanding I compose…
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Submitted by Trost on Mon, 05/05/2008 - 23:25.Post new comment